Recently, I realized that I’m in a state of transition. I have one foot out the door and the other holding me back in place. Where am I going? I’m not sure. All I know is that I’m no longer running from something, this time, I’m running toward something.
All the ghosts of the past have vanished into thin air, becoming one with the dusk sky. There is a sweet nostalgia to it all, my memories begging to be freed, some, struggling to remain. I’ve been caging up emotions, locked up for fear of losing my true self, losing my grip on my desires if I somehow let go. I have been fighting this internal battle of holding on and also screaming to move forward, from people, places and goals that no longer serve me on my current journey. In a moment of complete stillness, I realized that I already have let go. I’m not holding on to the past any longer, perhaps the emptiness comes from that space that was created in the process of letting go. Emotions and blocking thoughts were released and now there is a gap, a large empty space that no longer holds emotional residues of the past. It’s a paradox if you think about it. Releasing clutter should be followed by joy, feelings of freedom and exhilaration. The truth is different though. No matter how difficult some thoughts and emotions are, whether it is fear and jealousy clogging up your pipes or resentments clouding your aura, regret, or simply stagnation of creativity and spiritual flow, it all leaves a gap when it dissipates.
If you have a bucket full of dirty water, it stinks, it breeds more nasty bacteria and it begs to be emptied, to be cleansed. Whether you have the ability to consciously dump it or you accidentally bump up against it and empty its contents that way, the bucket remains empty afterwards. It no longer stinks, it no longer begs to be released, it’s a peaceful feeling, yet the reality remains: the bucket is now empty.
It’s quite scary to feel the emptiness but it is so essential to understand the process of spiritual cleansing and the natural expansion that takes place with it. The bucket is indeed empty now, there is no more fear of failure, competition, regret, stagnation, envy, or even resentment for what once was. It’s like a still winter night, one where no birds are singing, no wind is rustling through the trees, everything is quiet and you are alone with your mind and your spirit.
This begs the question: If I am with my mind and I am with my spirit, who am I? I am space, infinite energy that always was and always will be. I am not in the now, I AM the now. The brain is inclined to panic, it needs to feed the ego some form of illusory fuel, while the soul is at peace and urging you to embrace the stillness and to quiet the mind.
The emptiness is scary but it is also beautiful. Letting go creates contrast within ourselves, it allows for space in order to rearrange oneself internally, to take a break from the mental grind. The emptiness is an infinite hollow but if we think about it, that’s what the spirit is……… Limitless space.
The challenge is to stay in that space long enough to reconnect with the self, the true self. These situations always present two doors: fear and love. If we panic and cut ourselves off from the source of existence, we end up filling our bucket with more “jenk.” It will stink the same way it always has and it will breed more still water that begs to be released. If on the other hand we choose love, we remain in the now, we allow the stillness to remain uncontaminated by any illusion. We boldly choose the contents that we want to fill our bucket with, instead of drawing from the same polluted waters and expecting different outcomes.
Empty your bucket, embrace the stillness and know that emptiness is the heartbeat of the universe. Release the fear and understand the concept that even an “empty” container is not empty. Space fills everything, energy is infinite, it takes limitless forms and it is open for personal interpretation. All is possible and pure in the mind of the Universe, you just have to make room for the expansion.